Patient: "Doctor, can you tell me what are your fees?"
Doctor: "For the 1st visit I charge $2000 and the 2nd visit is free."
[The patient then decided to lie.]
Patient: "Doctor, this is my second visit."
Doctor: "In that case, please continue taking the medicines that I had prescribed on your first visit."
What do cows listen to on their headphones?
Moo-sic!
The teacher was describing the dolphin and its habits.
"And, children, "she said impressively, "a single dolphin will have two thousand offspring."
"Goodness!" gasped a little girl in the back row. "And how about married ones?"
Drunkard #1: I will become the chief prime minister tomorrow!
Drunkard #2: That's impossible... I haven't resigned yet.