I sat in my hair stylist's chair and said, “Make me look sexy!”
She then got drunk.
The Black Eyed Peas can sing us a tune...
But Chickpeas can only “hummus” one!
Teacher: What kind of wife would you like Johnny?
Johnny: I would want a wife like the moon.
Teacher: Wow! What a choice...Do you want her to be beautiful and calm like the moon?
Johnny: No, I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning.
I accidentally used the dog's shampoo this morning...
Now I feel like a good boy.