The owner of a small deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year.
"Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year...and you want to know how I made $80,000?"
"It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife."
"Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "Didn't I mention? We deliver anywhere..."
My wife said that last night I was shouting 'Gollum', 'Gandalf' and 'Bilbo Baggins'...
I must've been Tolkien in my sleep.
Where do bicycles go for a drink around here?
Handle bars.