For her birthday, the only gift I got my wife is an alarm clock that swears at her instead of beeping.
She is in for a rude awakening.
I have the most marvelous recipe for meatloaf...
All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, "Let's eat out."
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day...
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
I told the waitress my steak was bad.
She picked it up, slapped it, and threw it back down.
She said, "If it gives you any more trouble, let me know."