Question: Why does a Queen carry a scepter? Answer: Because everyone works 'cept her!
My friend is making an absolute fortune by selling pictures of salmon dressed up in human clothes. It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
Suzy: "Mom, did you want a boy or a girl?" Mom: "I just wanted to watch a movie."
Went to see a psychic who was in a bad mood... ...then I saw a clairvoyant who was really grumpy. I'm just trying to find a happy medium