Man (to his boss): "Can we talk? I have a problem."
Boss: "Problem? No such thing, we call it an opportunity!"
Man: "Ok then, I have a serious drinking opportunity."
My brother was having a tough time losing weight.
Our sister thought he should cut back gradually, so one day she asked, “Mike would you like to split a doughnut with me?”
Mike answered, “Want to split two?”
A man went to his doctor.
When the doctor entered the examining room, the man cried, “My hair is falling out! Can you give me something to keep it in?”
“Of course,” said the doctor reassuringly, and he handed the man a small box. “Will this be big enough?”
Young Husband (in the early morning): "It must be time to get up."
Wife: "Why do you say that?"
Husband: "Baby's fallen asleep."