Son: Daddy, I got punished in school today.
Dad: Why?
Son: My teacher pointed the scale towards me saying, "At the end of this scale there is an idiot.".
I just asked "Which end?".
When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body.
Men are so polite they only look at the covered parts!
How do you make Holy Water?
You boil the hell out of it!
Wife's Diary: Tonight, I thought my husband was acting strange.
We went to a nice restaurant for dinner. I thought he was upset by the fact that I was a bit late, but he said nothing about it. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was something I had done. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it.
On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.'
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, and again he said nothing. He continued to seem distant and absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm sure his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
Husband's Diary: Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out!!