Past Winners

I got robbed at the gas station today. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it.
I said, "Yes, pump number six."

Teacher: "Whoever answers my next question, can go home."

One boy throws his bag out the window.

Teacher: "Who just threw that?"

Boy: "Me, and now I’m going home."

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses legs and rump, and chest..

After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are you doing that?"

His father replied, "Because when I am buying horses, I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy."

Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom."

Wife: "What are you doing?"

Husband: "Nothing."

Wife: "Nothing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour."

Husband: "I was looking for the expiration date."