Past Winners

Bert and Ernie are walking down sesame street and Bert asks Ernie,
"Hey Ernie, you want to get some ice cream?"
What did Ernie say?

"Sure Bert"

Why did God create stock analysts? In order to make weather forecasters look good.

So there was this female business executive who was late for a meeting. She is going 65 on a street where the speed limit is 40.

A cop pulls her over and says “ma’am, can I please see your license?” She says “I’m sorry, officer, but I got it revoked two years ago for drunk driving.” His brow furrows and he straightens up.

“Well, can I please see the registration of your car?” She says “I stole the car and I killed the driver; he’s in the trunk.”

“Ma’am, DON’T MOVE, I’m calling for backup.” He mutters furiously into his walkie-talkie…

Five minutes later, half the squad pulls up, the Chief of Police walks over to the woman’s window. “Ma’am, can I see your license?” he asks sternly.

“Of course, officer,” she smiles demurely and pulls out a license from her purse.

He squints warily at it. “This looks legitimate,” he mumbles.

“Can I see the registration to this car?” She pulls it out of the glove compartment and hands it to him.

“Ma’am, stand back!” He bangs open the trunk of the car and flinches: but it was completely empty…

The woman brandishes a finger at the first cop and says accusingly, “And I’ll bet that liar told you I was speeding too!!”

A software engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an electrical engineer are carpooling to work, when suddenly the car stops running and they pull over.
The mechanical engineer says, "I think it's a problem with the engine. I'll have to get out and inspect."
The electrical engineer says, "No, no. It's got to be an electrical issue. I will grab my meter and troubleshoot to find out what is going on."
The software engineer says, "Nuts to all that. Let's just get out and get back in again."