misc jokes

There was a race between some lettuce, a tomato and a faucet.

How did it turn out?

Well the lettuce won by a head, the faucet was running, and the tomato tried to ketchup.

Q: What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed-wire fence?
A: An "utter" disaster!

Q: How many idiots does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 500, 1 to hold the light bulb and 499 to turn the house.

Son: Dad, You are my hero.

Dad: Really?

Son: Yes. Can you give me an autograph with your eyes closed?

Dad: Well, yes, of course.

Son: That's great! Then here, close your eyes and sign my report card.