“What on earth do you think you are doing?” roared a shop-owner to a man who had walked in and licked all the goods.
The man pointed to a sigh and said, “Well, that notice says ‘Tongue Sandwiches’”.
A man asked the barber “How much for a haircut?”
“$5.50.” said the barber.
“And how much for a shave?”
“$3.00 sir.”
“Very well, shave my head.”
As a distinguished matron approached the church entrance, a little boy stepped aside and held the door for her.
"What a polite little doorman," she said as she walked through. "Is there a tip involved?"
"Oh, no," answered the young man. "My mother taught me never to be good for money, but always to be good for nothing."
A father came home from work one night to find his little boy sitting on the cat, with a pen and paper in his hand.
“Why are you sitting on Felix?” he asked.
“Well, teacher told us to write an essay on the family pet.”