misc jokes

A woman rushes into a hardware store and said, “Can I have a mouse trap, please? And will you be quick, I’ve a bus to catch!"

“Sorry, ma’am,” said the assistant, “we don’t sell ‘em that big!”

A man tell his friend, “I went to my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking”
“What did he say?”
“He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate.”
“Did that do any good?”
“No – I can’t get the chocolate to light.”

“How are you getting on with your football, Jack?”
“Well, Dad, pretty good. The coach said I was one of the team’s greatest drawbacks!”

“Dad, the career counselor said that with a mind like mine I should study criminal law.”
“That is wonderful, son. I’m proud of you.”
“He said I had a criminal mind.”