misc jokes

A young bride tells her friend, “Paul keeps telling everyone he’s going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world.”

The friend replies, “What a shame, and after all the time you’ve been engaged too.”

One friend says to another, “My husband is man of rate gifts.”

“That’s nice.”

“He hasn’t given me a present in twenty-five years of marriage…”

“What is your occupation?” asked the judge.
“I’m a locksmith, your honor.”
“And what were you doing in the jeweler’s shop at three in the morning when the police officers entered?’
“ I was making a bolt for the door!”

Heckling in the courtroom had constantly interrupted the trial, and the judge had had enough. “The next person who interrupts the proceeding will be thrown out of my court!” he said severely, at which the defendant yelled, “Hooray!”