misc jokes

A sign outside of a restaurant boasted “We serve anything you want,”
So one smart Alec went in, and ordered roast monkey and chips.
“Certainly, sir,” said the waiter and went into the kitchen only to reappear
a few minutes later looking very disappointed.
“No monkey,” smirked the smart Alec.
“It’s not that sir. We have run out of potatoes.”

His girlfriend’s father was interviewing Young Charles. “So,” said that impressive personage, “you want to be my so-in-law, do you?
“Not particularly,” said Charles tactlessly, “but if I want to marry your daughter I haven’t much choice, have I?”

One guy to another, “Last week I took the first step towards getting divorced.”
“Did you see a lawyer?”
“No, I got married.”

To everyone amazement the middle-aged spinster announced her engagement.
“But I thought you said all men were stupid,” said one friend, “and that you’d never marry!
“Yes, I did, she replied, “but then I found one who asked me.”