misc jokes

One guy says to another, “Last week I took the first step towards getting divorced.”

“Did you see a lawyer?”

“No, I got married.”

Little Amy confided to her uncle, “When I grow up I’m going to marry the boy next door.”

“Why is that?”

“Cause I’m not allowed to cross the road.”

Mrs. Sullivan and her little daughter Patty were outside the church watching all the comings and goings of a wedding. After the photographs had been taken, everyone had driven off to the reception, and all the excitement was over. Patty asked her mother, “Why did the bride change her mind, Mommy?
“How do you mean, change her min?” asked Mrs. Sullivan.
“Well said the child, “she went into the church with one man and came out with another!”

“I saw you kissing my sister last night!” jeered the brat to the embarrassed teenager.
“All right all right! Not so loud,” said the youth. “Here’s fifty cents to keep your mouth shut.”
“Gee, thank! Wait a minute and I’ll give you twenty cents change.”
“Twenty cents change? What for?”
“I like to be fair,” said the youngster, “and it’s the same price for everybody!”