misc jokes

* Martha Stewart doesn't live here!!

* I'm creative; you can't expect me to be neat, too!

* Ring Bell for Maid Service. If no answer, do it yourself!

* You may touch the dust in this house, but please don't write in it!

* If you write in the dust, please don't date it!

* I would cook dinner, but I can't find the can opener!

* I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

* If you don't like my standards of cooking, lower your standards.

* A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.

* Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.

* Countless numbers of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

* My house was clean last week; too bad you missed it!

A woman went in to cash a check at a currency exchange
The clerk asked her: "What type of check is this?"
The lady responded: "An unemployment check."
The clerk responded: "Oh well; then we will need a work number on here for verification".

Q. What did the cannibal's wife give her husband when he came home late for dinner?
A. The cold shoulder.

Explorer walking in the Amazon Rain Forest comes across a clearing with a dead 60ft dinosaur and a hunter sat astride it. He asks the hunter, "Who killed the dinosaur?"

"I did,” replied the hunter.

"How did you kill it?"

"With my club.”

The Explorer was astonished, so he inquired, "How big is your club then?"

The hunter answered, "There are about 400 of us now."