misc jokes

“Doctor, doctor! My family thinks I’m mad!”
“Why is that?”
“I like sausages.”
“There’s nothing strange about that. I like sausages too.”
“Really? You must come and see my collection – I’ve got
thousands!”

"Doctor, doctor, I feel like a goat.”

“How long have you been like this?”

“Since I was a kid.”

College meals are generally unpopular with those who have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason.

“What kind of pie do you call this?” asked one student indignantly.

“What’s it taste like?” asked the cook.

“Glue!”

“Then it’s apple pie... the plum pie tastes like soap.”

“Doctor, doctor!” said the panic-stricken woman, “my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he’s swallowed a mouse! What shall I do?”
“Quite simple,” said the doctor calmly. “You just tie a lump of cheese to a piece of string and lower it into your husband’s mouth. As soon as the mouse takes a bite – haul it out.”
“Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I’ll go around to the fishmonger straight away and get a cod’s head.”
“What do you want a cod’s head for?”
“Oh- I forgot to tell you. I’ve got to get the cat out first!”