misc jokes

Two snakes are walking down the street. "Oh man, I have to ask you something!" the little one said.

"What is it?" replied the other snake.

"Are we poisonous?"

The other one replied, "Of course we are, why?"

"Because I just bit my lip."

In a greasy spoon, a downhearted diner asked the waitress for meatloaf and some kind words. She brought the meatloaf but didn’t say a thing. “Hey,” he said, “what about my kind word?”
She replied, “Don’t eat the meatloaf.”

A businesswoman is sitting at a bar. A man approaches her. “Hi, honey,” he says. “Want a little company?”
“Why?” asks the woman? “Do you have one to sell?

The truck driver looked suspiciously at the soup he had just been served in a backwoods eatery. It contained dark flecks of seasoning, but two of the spots were suspicious.
“Hey,” he called out to the waitress, “these particles in my soup – aren’t they foreign objects?”
She is scrutinizing his bowl. “No, sir!” she reassured him. “Those things live around here.”