misc jokes

Two kids talking: “Have you noticed, if you pass your exams everyone says you get your brains from your parents, but if you fail your exams everyone says you’re stupid.”

Grandpa: boy, how many miles do you walk to school?
Boy: about a half mile.
Grandpa: when I was your age I walked eight miles to school every day. Boy, what are your grades like?
Boy: they are mostly B's.
Grandpa: when I was your age I got all A's. Boy, have you ever gotten into a fight?
Boy: only two times and the boy beat me up.
Grandpa: When I was your age I was in a fight every day. Boy, how old are you?
Boy: 9 years old.
Grandpa: when I was your age I was 11

A man rushed into a doctor's office, jumped on the doctor's back, and started screaming, "One! Two! Three! Four!"

"Wait a minute!" yelled the doctor, trying to get free. “What do you think you're doing?"

The man said, "Well doctor, they did say I could count on you!"

Guy: Do you have a map?
Girl: No, why do you ask?
Guy: Because I think I just got lost in your eyes.