misc jokes

The reading material at the barbershop consisted entirely of murder stores, mysteries, thrillers, and ghost tales.
When Peter asked the barber if he wanted to terrify his customers he replied.
“No Peter. These books make the customers’ hair stand up and then it becomes
easier to trim and cut.”

A tail gunner was being court-martialed. “What did you hear in your headset?” demanded a superior officer.
“Well,” replied the airman. “I heard my squadron leader holler, ‘Enemy planes at 5 o’clock!”
“What action did you take?’ persisted another officer.
“Why, sir,” replied the gunner, “I just sat back and waited. It was only 4:30.”

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship. He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.”
The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.”
Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!”
“I’m a seaman, second class,” comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.”
Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!”
There is one last reply. “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”

A woman went to her dentist to have her dentures adjusted for the fifth time. She said they still didn’t fit. “Well,” said the dentist, “I’ll do it again this time, but no more. There’s no reason why these shouldn’t fit your mouth easily.”

“Who said anything about my mouth?” the woman answered. “They don’t fit in the glass!”