misc jokes

A teacher sees a lad entering the classroom – his hands were dirty.
She stopped him and said, “John, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?”

Smiling the boy replied, “I think I’d be too polite to mention it.”

A candidate for city council was doing some door-to-door campaigning, and things were going pretty well, he thought, till he came to the house of a grouchy-looking fellow. After the candidate’s little speech, the fellow said, “Vote for you? Why I’d rather vote for the Devil!”
“I understand,” said the candidate, “but in case your friend is not running, may I count on your support?”

Some older friends were dining at a restaurant, and one said how interesting it would be it you could turn back the clock and lie your life over again.
“Well, you know what I would like?” said another diner. “I’d like to be eighteen years old but to know what I know now.”
At this point the counter waitress, who had been clearing the table, stopped and said,
“I’m eighteen. What is it you know?”

Some older friends were dining at a restaurant, and one said how interesting it would be it you could turn back the clock and lie your life over again.
“Well, you know what I would like?” said another diner. “I’d like to be eighteen years old but to know what I know now.”
At this point the counter waitress, who had been clearing the table, stopped and said,
“I’m eighteen. What is it you know?”