misc jokes

A bechelor, just turned 40, began feeling desperate. "I went to a singles bar," he told a friend. "walked over to this 20-year-old woman and asked, "Where have you been all my life? she said, "Theeting!"

To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and ordered. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That"s the owner."

The newlywed said to her husband. "I'm not cleaning up after you.
I'm a career woman. That means I pay other people to do housework.
"How much?"
"Eight dollars and hour. Take it or leave it"

John, an avant-garde painter got married.

Someone asked the bride a few weeks after the wedding, "How's married life, Helen?"

"It's great," she answered. "John paints and I cook; then we try to guess what he painted and what I cooked."