misc jokes

There are three friends who are sitting in a diner having lunch. On the table is a glass with some water. One of the friends who is an optimist says the glass is half full. The second friend who is a pessimist says the glass is half empty. The third friend who is a plumbing engineer says the glass is too small.

A man walked into a restaurant and orders a chicken soup bowl a while later the waiter brings it to him. The old man quickly calls him back and says "waiter taste the soup" the waiter says "well what’s wrong with it" "just taste the soup" the old man insisted". "Well what's wrong with the soup is it to hot to cold, what"! "Just taste the soup said the old man". "Oh, all right where's the spoon".

One day Bill Clinton was talking to Hillary. He was going on a vacation and before he left said, "Whatever you do don't look under my bed."

So while Bill was on vacation, Hillary got curious and decided to look under his bed. She found a million dollars and 2 empty beer cans. When Bill came home she said, "What's with the two beer cans under your bed?"

Bill replied, "Oh. That marks all the times I've cheated on you." "Well, I forgive you," said Hillary, "But then what's with the million dollars?"

He replied, "I've started to recycle."

A biology teacher wished to demonstrate to his students the harmful effects of alcohol on living organisms. For his experiment, he showed them a beaker with pond water in which there was a thriving civilization of worms. When he added some alcohol into the beaker the worms doubled-up and died.
"Now," he said,” what do you learn from this?"
An eager student gave his answer.
"Well the answer is obvious," he said " if you drink alcohol, you'll never have worms."