misc jokes

One man asks another, "How old is your wife?"

"She's approaching thirty."

"But from which direction?"

"I am not at all satisfied with the evidence against you," said the magistrate to the prisoner on trial,
"so I shall find you not guilty. You are discharged."

"Oh, good," said the prisoner, "Does that mean that I can keep the money?"

It is truly said that children brighten a home - they never turn the lights off.

"I don't think my mom knows much about children."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because she always puts me to bed when I am wide awake
and gets me up when I am sleepy."