misc jokes

Speed Trap 
A Police officer had been told by his sergeant that he was to bring up his quota of speeding fines, he decided to park and use his radar gun flashing the cars as they drove by on a busy street. 
Well one hour went by then two and no one was speeding. After about six hours a lone car came speeding by at well over the limit, the officer turned on his lights and siren and pulled the car over. As the officer approached the drivers window he remarked "I've been waiting for you all day" and the driver replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could" 

An Antartian was running back and forth from his computer and his mailbox. Then the mailman came up to him and asked him what he was doing. He replied, "My dumb computer keeps saying 'you've got mail'."

A man left home one morning. He turned right and ran straight ahead. Then he turned left. After awhile, he turned left again, running faster than ever. Then he turned left once more and decided to go home. In the distance he could see two masked men waiting for him. Who were they?
The umpire and the catcher, it was a baseball game!

A man left home one morning. He turned right and ran straight ahead. Then he turned left. After awhile, he turned left again, running faster than ever. Then he turned left once more and decided to go home. In the distance he could see two masked men waiting for him. Who were they?
The umpire and the catcher, it was a baseball game!