misc jokes

“Johnny, I’ve had a letter from your Principal, said the father.
It seems you’re very careless with your appearance.”
“Am I, Dad?”
“Yes. You haven’t appeared in school since last semester!”

The three friends were walking home from school. “What shall we do this afternoon?” said one. “I know,” said the second, let’s spin a coin. If it comes down heads let’s go skating, and if it comes down tails let’s go swimming.” “And if it comes down on its edge,” said the third, “let’s stay in and do our homework!”

“Now my motto in life,” said the school chaplain, “is work hard, play hard and pray hard. How about you, Harriet?”
“My motto is let bygones be bygones.”
“That’s good. Why did you choose that?”
“Then I wouldn’t have to take any history classes!”

“Do you obtain good SAT results?” asked the father of a prospective pupil.
“Oh, indeed we do,” said the Principal of the expensive private school.
“We guarantee satisfaction – or we return the student…”