misc jokes

"Doctor! Doctor! Everyone’s ignoring me!"
"Next please!"

A speeding driver was pulled over by a policeman. He asked, "Why was I pulled over when I wasn't the only one speeding." The police replied, "Have you ever been fishing?" The man then said, "yes". "Have you ever caught all the fish?" asked the policeman

"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?”

“Huge hands, sir.”

The patient: Tell me, is it true that alcohol decreases blood pressure?
Doctor: Yes, that is true.
P: And, is it true that coffee increases blood pressure?
D: Yes, that is also true.
P: So, in average, I live normally.