misc jokes

Things to do @ Wal-Mart while the significant other is taking his/her sweet time:

1. Get cans of cat food and randomly put them in people's carts when they don't realize it.
2. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
3. Make a trail of orange juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in house wares," and see what happens.
5. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10."
6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
7. Put M&M's on layaway.
8. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
9. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
10. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

A hound dog and a dalmation were sitting in an Internet cafe and the
dalmation said to the hound, "Hey, check out my web site!" The hound asked
for the address and the dalmation responded,
"www.dalmation.dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot.

What is 2+2? To the mathematician it is 4. 
To the philosopher "it depends how you define the concept of 2" 
To the accountant "what would you like it to be."

Q. What's the easiest way to drown an Antartican?
A. Write scratch n' sniff on the bottom of the pool.