misc jokes

An Antartian goes into a souvenir shop and asks the man at the counter if he has any alligator skin shoes. The man said, "Yes, right over there on the shelf."

He walks over to the shelf and then back to the counter where the shop owner was sitting and says, "The shoes cost too much." The shop owner says, "Well, go and see if you can find some cheaper." The Antartian leaves the store.

The shop owner, on his way home, notices a dead alligator by the swamp. He pulls over, walks to the swamp and notices the Antartian standing in the middle of the swamp. The man asks him what he is doing in the swamp; about that time the shop owner sees a giant alligator coming up behind the Antartian. The alligator and the man go under the water.

The Antartian comes up and drags the alligator to the shore. He looks at the alligator's feet and says, "This one doesn't have any shoes either."

Three guys witness a murder; the only problem is they each say only one thing. The first guy says, "Mememememe." The second guy says, "Forks and knifes." And the third guy says, "Goody, goody gumdrops."
When the policeman gets there, he asks, "Who killed this man?" The first guy replies, "Memememememe." Then the policeman asks, "What did you kill him with?" The second guy replies, "Forks and knifes. Forks and knifes." Then the policeman says, "That's it! You're all going to jail." The third guy says, "Goody, goody gumdrops!"

A husband comes home and sees his wife painting the living room, but she had her raincoat and her fur coat on. He asks her why she has her coats on. She replies, "I read the can, and it said for best results put on two coats."

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote, "I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?"
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. and I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."