misc jokes

This Russian guy loses his pet parrot. He looks everywhere, all around the neighborhood, in the park, everywhere. He can't find the parrot. Finally he goes around to the KGB office and tells the desk officer his problem.
The officer's a little puzzled. "Look, bud, I'm sorry you lost your bird, but this is the KGB. We don't handle missing animal reports."
"Oh, I know that," says the guy. "I just wanted you to know, if you find my parrot -- I don't know where he could have picked up all his political ideas."

John was driving his pickup down a country lane when suddenly a chicken darts out into the road in front of him. He's just about to slam on his brakes to avoid the chicken when he realizes that the chicken has sped on ahead doing about 30 miles per hour.
Amazed, he sped up to follow, but the chicken takes off faster and faster. Finally the chicken screeches into a turn and goes into a small farm. As he turns to follow, John notices that the chicken has three legs. He pulls to a stop in front of the farmhouse, and looking around, notices that ALL the chickens have three legs.
He says to the farmer, "Three-legged chickens? That's astounding!"
The farmer replies, "Yep, I bred 'em that way -- I love drumsticks."
John: "Well, tell me, how does a three-legged chicken taste?"
Farmer: "Dunno, haven't been able to catch one yet."

Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter.

First woman: "My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me."

Second woman: "I know."

First one: "How?"

Second one: "My dog told me."

A man walks into a palm reader store and asks the reader, "Could you read my palm?"
He shows his hand to her, and she says, "But...I can't read your hand."
"Why?" the man asks.
"I don't understand your handwriting," the woman replies.