misc jokes

How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
How many you can afford!

A company is interviewing applicants for an accountancy position, and the three finalists have been chosen.

The first one is called in, and asked, "What is two plus two?"
She answers, "Four," and is asked to leave.

The second finalist is called in, and asked the same question, "What is two plus two?"
He also answers, "Four," and is also asked to leave.

The third and final applicant is called in, and yet again asked, "What is two plus two?"
He answers, "What do you want it to be?"

What kind of doctor does a duck visit?
A Ducktor.

Two bats are hanging in their cave. One turns to the other and says, "Oh, I'm really thirsty for some fresh blood."
The other bat is amazed and says, "Well, it’s a bit late. Daylight is almost here, and we can't be exposed to any light - you know we'll die." "Yeah, I know," says the first bat, "but I'm really starving for it."
So he flies out of the cave and returns five minutes later with blood dripping from his mouth.
"You lucky thing. Where'd you find blood that quick?" asked the second bat.
"You see that tree over there in the distance?" mumbled the bat, his mouth full of blood.
"Yeah, I think I do!"
"Well, I didn't."