religious jokes

The new minister stood at the church door greeting the members as they left the Sunday morning service. While most of the people told the minster how much they liked his message, one man seemingly had a different opinion. “That was a very dull and boring sermon, Pastor,” he said.

The pastor was a bit baffled by this, but he continued shaking hands. A few minutes later, the same man again appeared in line and said, “I don’t think you did much in the way of preparation for your message.”

Once again, the man circled back and appeared in line, this time muttering, “You really blew it. You didn’t have a thing to say, Pastor.”

Finally, the minister could stand it no longer. He went to one of the deacons and inquired about the man. “Oh, don’t let that guy bother you,” said the deacon. “He’s a little behind. All he does is go around repeating whatever he hears other people saying.”

A new preacher wanted to rent a house in the country but the only one available was rumored to be haunted. That didn’t bother the preacher since he didn’t believe in such things. He went ahead and rented the place. Soon the ghost made its appearance. The preacher told his friends about the ghost, but they didn’t believe him. They told him the only way they would believe was if he took a picture of the ghost.

The preacher went home and called for the ghost. When it appeared, the preacher explained the situation and asked the ghost if it would mind having its picture taken. The ghost agreed. When the picture was developed, the ghost wasn’t visible. Feeling disappointed, the preacher called again for the ghost. When it appeared, the preacher showed it the picture and wanted to know why the ghost wasn’t in it.

The ghost thought a minute and replied, “Well, I guess the spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.”

At the conclusion of the sermon, the worshipers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister. As one shook the minister’s hand, he said, “Thanks for the message, Reverend. You know, I bet you’re smarter than Einstein.”

Beaming with pride, the minister said, “Why, thank you, that's nice of you to say.”

As the week went by, the minister began to think about the man’s compliment. The more he thought, the more he wondered why anyone would deem him smarter than Einstein. So the following Sunday he asked the man, “Exactly what did you mean that I must be smarter than Einstein?”

The man replied, “Well, Reverend, they say that Einstein was so smart that only ten people in the entire world could understand him. But Reverend, last Sunday no one could understand you!"

Three police officers were standing in line at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter asked the first officer, “What did you do with your life?”

“I was a police officer,” he responded.
“What kind of police officer?” Saint Peter asked.
“I was a vice officer. I kept drugs off the streets and out of the hands of kids.”
“Welcome to heaven. You may enter the gates.”

He asked the second man what he did as a police officer. “I was a traffic officer,” said the man. “I kept the roads and highways safe.”
“Welcome to heaven. You may enter the gates.”

He asked the third man what he did as a police officer. “I was a military policeman, sir,” replied the man.

“Wonderful! I’ve been waiting for you all day!” replied Saint Peter. “I need to take a break! Watch the gate, will you?”