A ham and cheese sandwich walks into bar and asks for a drink.
Bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve food here."
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and le ft it there all night.
You gotta love George.
A husband walks into the bedroom holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asks, "What's that for?"
"It's for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He replies, "Gotcha!"
The young and not so bright new pilot was learning to fly a helicopter. After two hours of great flying, she crashed.
When asked by crash investigator what happened, she said, "I got cold so I turned off the fan."