Best Jokes

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year?"

I said, "Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!"

When I was young, a bully was trying to pick a fight with me.

He said, "My dad can whoop your dad!"

I replied, "So what, so can my mom!"

Two women archaeologists are down in Mexico excavating an ancient Mayan burial ground looking for some remains to take back to their museum.

Unfortunately, everything they run across is badly decomposed. One of the two says, "We don't seem to be having much luck."

The other replies, "Keep on digging, honey, a good Mayan is hard to find!"

Two friends were chatting. "I've just bought a pig!" said the first.

"But where will you keep it?" asked the second. "Your yard's much too small for a pig!"

"I'm going to keep it under my bed," replied the first.

"But what about the smell?"

"He'll soon get used to that."