Best Jokes

"Last weekend I ran a half marathon!”

"Really?"

"Well no, not really, but it sounds so much better than saying 'I quit halfway through a full marathon.'”

A pair of robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.

The first one shouted, ''Nobody move!''

When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

First Student: "Great Scott! I've forgotten who wrote 'Ivanhoe'?"

Second Student: "I'll tell you if you tell me who the dickens wrote 'A Tale of Two Cities'?"

I sometimes just make my coffee with Red Bull instead of water...

Ironically when I do, I get halfway to work before I realize I left my car at home.