Best Jokes

What did Santa say when Mrs. Claus asked what the weather was going to be like on Christmas Day?

He said, "Rain, Dear."

I got into an argument with this thug in a pub. I backed away, but as I was leaving he shouted, “I know where you live!”

I was really worried for a while, but it turned out he works for Royal Mail Parcelforce, so his threat almost certainly isn’t true.

Why did the panda steal my socks?

Because he had bear feet!

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type.

As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.