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Favorite this joke A woman arrives at the and meets Saint Peter. She says, "I was supposed to look up my husband when I got here."
Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?"
She answers, "Smith."
Saint Peter replies, "I've got hundreds of thousands of Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She responds, "His name is John Smith."
Saint Peter says, "I got thousands of John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She answers, "He's got red hair."
Saint Peter replies, "I have hundreds of red haired John Smiths here, could you narrow it down a little?"
She responds, "Well, he told me to always remain faithful to his memory, or else he'd roll over in his grave!"
Saint Peter says, "Oh, you mean Pinwheel Smith!"
The previous pastor had been a paragon of virtue. He lived up to all the people's expectations and was willing to live on a very low salary to boot. He loved to work around the church and kept both the church house and grounds in pristine condition.
But the new pastor wasn't that type. He hired someone to do a lot of these chores, including the mowing of the lawn. Naturally this cost more money. This change of pattern was of concern to some of the elders of the church. One day, one of them approached the new pastor and tried to bring this up tactfully. He said to the new pastor, "You know, our previous pastor mowed the lawn himself. Have you considered this approach?"
The new pastor came back, "Yes, I'm aware of this. I asked him, but he doesn't want to do it anymore."
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when the wife is pregnant,
Tension is when the girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when BOTH are pregnant!
A man waiting for a bus held his hands about four inches apart. He got on the bus l, and when the driver asked for his fare, the man told him to take the money out of his coat pocket. The driver did as he said and drove on.
The man walked to the rear of the bus and sat down, still holding his hands in the same position. A woman passenger turned to him and asked, “Excuse me sir, are you alright?”
“Yes I am, thank you,” he replied.
“Then why are you holding your hands like that?”
“Because I’m on my way to a hardware store and I need a piece of pipe this long.”
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