Best Jokes

Robin came home from her first day commuting into the city. Noticing that Robin was looking a little peaked, her mom asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?"

"Not really," Robin replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train."

"Poor dear," the mom said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?"

"I couldn't," Robin replied, "there was no one there."

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called his client and said to him, "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."

The attorney said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right."

Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The attorney replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."

As I was admitted the hospital for a procedure, the clerk asked for my wrist, saying, "I'm going to give you a bracelet."

"Has it got rubies and diamonds?" I ask coyly.

"No," he said. "But it cost just as much."