Best Jokes
Favorite this joke An elderly couple were on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old woman overboard.
They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat. It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you that we found your wife at the bottom of the ocean. She had passed away. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her backside was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000. Please advise."
The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap."
A man on his deathbed is telling his friend his final wishes.
Man: "I have two final wishes."
Friend: "What are they?"
Man: "First, I'd like my remains scattered over Disney Land."
Friend: "And second?"
Man: "Second, I don't want to be cremated."
Wayne was returning home from a business trip, bags in hand, and slowly making his way to his vehicle in the crowded airport garage. Suddenly a large dark car screeched to a stop in front of Wayne, and the driver pointed menacingly at him. "Get in," the driver ordered. "I'll take you to your car."
Startled, Wayne took a step backward. "Ah...no thanks," he answered. "I can get there myself."
"No!" the man barked back as he threw open his passenger side door. "Get in!"
Wayne's eyes now darted around the garage, hoping to find a security guard.
Just then, the driver's face softened. "Please," he said, "I've been driving up and down for two hours. I can't find a space to park, and I want yours."
There are a lot of folks who can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in America. Well, there's a very simple answer. Nobody bothered to check the oil.
We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for that is purely geographical.
All our oil is in Alaska, Texas, California, and Oklahoma...
All our dipsticks are in Washington, DC!
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