Best Jokes

A woman was working in her yard with the weed whacker, when she accidentally cut off the tail of her cat.

She ran screaming into the house, and told her husband, wondering what to do.

He replied calmly, "Get the cat, and the tail, and we'll take them to Wal-Mart."

She was incredulous. "How could that possibly help?" she asked.

"Well," he replied, "they're the world's largest retailer."

Dad: "Johnny, go to bed. You're dozing off on the couch..."

Little Johnny (opening his eyes): "No dad, I'm not dozing... I'm just blinking reaaaally sloooowly."

When I was 28, I was teaching English to high school freshmen. Fridays were dress-down days.

One Friday I came to school wearing a college sweatshirt and jeans. A student took a look at me and his eyes widened.

“Wow!” he said. “You should wear jeans every day, you look twenty or thirty years younger.”