Best Jokes

I grilled a chicken for two hours...

It still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road.

Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey.

I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?"

Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?"

"Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, whose hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to one of the political candidates.

The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, that candidate is a 'Post Turtle'."

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'."

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.

"You know they didn't get up there by themselves, they don't belong up there, they don't know what to do while they're up there, and you just wonder what kind of dummy put them up there to begin with."