Best Jokes

Sign on an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

Money can buy a house, but not a home.
Money can buy a bed, but not sleep.
Money can buy a clock, but not time.
Money can buy a book, but not knowledge.

Money can buy food, but not an appetite.
Money can buy position, but not respect.
Money can buy blood, but not life.
Money can buy insurance, but not safety.

You see, money is not everything!
Therefore, if you have too much money, please send it to me.

"I came in to make an appointment with the dentist," said the man to the receptionist.

"I'm sorry sir," she replied. "He's out right now, but..."

"Thank you," interrupted the obviously nervous prospective patient. "When will he be out again?"

An important and very well publicized murder trial was soon to begin. In preparation for the trial, the tiresome jury selection process took place, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors.

One prospective juror, Dan O'Keefe, was called for his question session.

He was asked, "Property holder?"

Dan replied, "Yes, I am, Your Honor."

Then he was asked, "Married or single?"

Dan responded, "Married for twenty years, Your Honor."

Then the judge asked, "Formed or expressed an opinion?"

Dan stated with certainty, "Not in twenty years, Your Honor."