Best Jokes

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, "What seems to be the problem"?

"I'm out of gas."

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

"Try it now," said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. "Wow!" the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my gas tank"

The bee answered, "BP."

I was recently sharing with my father how bad my college football team had lost to a major rival 58-0 and that it couldn't get any worse.

Dad, in his infinite wisdom indicated, "The score could have been 65-0."

A baseball manager who had an ulcer went to see his doctor for a checkup.

"Remember," the doctor said, "don't get excited, don't get mad, and forget about baseball when you're off the field."

Then he added, "By the way, how come you let the pitcher bat yesterday with the tying run on second and two men out in the ninth?"

It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she said, "who is eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore."

I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered.

"Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her."

The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!" she shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!"