Best Jokes

My son and I were walking our small dog when he took off after a duck and jumped into the river. A nearby German tourist jumped into the river to save our dog.

When he'd climbed out he said, "Here is ze dog. Dry him off, keep him varm and he vill be fine.”

We thanked him profusely, and my son asked him, "Are you a vet?"

"VET?" he exclaimed. "I am soaking!"

Who is the meanest reindeer in Santa's herd?

Olive.

You've heard the song.

"Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names."

- Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

- Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

- Tell the telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

- Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

- Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up...louder... louder... LOUDER...

- Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

- If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

My daughter was doing her homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo.

I, proudly and confidently, told her that he was just a poor boy from a poor family.