Best Jokes
Favorite this joke Famed composer Johann Strauss was an avid mountain climber who once waltzed himself into deep trouble. He lost his footing and found himself hanging by his fingertips over a bottomless gorge.
Another climber heroically came to his rescue and just managed to grab Johann by a strap of his backpack to save the Maestro's life.
Since then, the act of trying to get out of a seemingly hopeless situation has come to be known as grasping at Strauss.
A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. "Where in tarnation have you been all night?" she demands.
"At this fantastic new bar," he says. "The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It's got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works - heck, even the urinal's gold!"
The wife still doesn't believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband's story.
"Is this the Golden Saloon?" she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
"Yes it is," bartender answers.
"Do you have huge golden doors?"
"Sure do." "Do you have golden floors?"
"Most certainly do."
"What about golden urinals?"
There's a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling, "Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that peed in your saxophone last night!"
Little Johnny: "Mom, Dad just backed out of the garage and ran over my bicycle!"
Mom: "Maybe in the future you shouldn't leave it on the front lawn."
Joe: "Say Moe, I'll bet you $10 that I can prove to you that I'm not actually here."
Moe: "Not actually here? That makes no sense."
Joe: "Well then, I'll prove it. Am I in Chicago?"
Moe: "No."
Joe: "Am I in New York?"
Moe: "No."
Joe: "Am I in Hawaii?"
Moe: "No."
Joe: "If I'm not in any of those places, I must be somewhere else, and if I'm somewhere else, then I'm not here. I'll take my $10 now, please."
Moe: "How can I pay you if you're not here?"
Free Daily Joke