Best Jokes

Camper: "Look at that bunch of cows."

Farmer: "Not bunch, herd."

Camper: "Heard what?"

Farmer: "Of cows."

Camper: "Sure I've heard of cows."

Farmer: "No, I mean a cowherd."

Camper: "So what if they heard? I have no secrets from cows!"

In the early 1930's, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost. "$10 for three minutes," replied the pilot.

"That is too much," said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, "I will make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for three minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. However, if you make a sound, you will have to pay $10."

The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, "I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man."

"Maybe so," said the farmer, "but I have to tell you, I almost screamed when my wife fell out."

A woman brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated 'right' as an R with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label:

"Put two drops in R ear every four hours."