I walked into my sister's kitchen and found my nephew having a snack. "Where's your mother?" I asked.
"She is upstairs, said she was going to take a shower. Hang on, let me check."
He stepped into the nearby bathroom and flushed the toilet. A second later a sharp yell came from upstairs.
My nephew walked back out and said, "Yep, she's in the shower."
When I am told, "You'll regret that in the morning", I don't let it bother me.
Being a problem solver, I just sleep in till noon.
As a nightclub owner, I hired a pianist and a drummer to entertain my customers. After several performances, I discovered the drummer had walked away with some of my valuables. I notified the police, who arrested him.
Desperate for another drummer, I called a friend who knew some musicians. "What happened to the drummer you had"? he asked me.
"I had him arrested," I replied.
My friend paused for a second and asked, "How badly did he play"?
TEACHER: Did your parents help with the homework John?
JOHN: Nope, I got them wrong all by myself.