Latest Jokes

Some vacationers at their campsite were cooking fish over an open fire when a storm suddenly moved in.

Before the campers could run for cover, a burst of lightning came down and struck a skillet that was resting on the coals in front of them.

That's what you call a flash in the pan!

A guy wins a big jackpot on a slot machine in Vegas. As it is paying out of the machine, but before the pit boss reaches the lucky winner, a haggard man approaches him and says, "I don't mean to disturb you during your big moment, but my wife is sick and needs an operation. Could you see your way clear to giving me $5,000 of your winnings?"

The guy says, "Well, it's all well and good for you to say that, and if it's true I sympathize, but how do I know you're not going to turn around and just gamble it away?"

The haggard man responds, "Oh, I got gambling money."

A retired couple are discussing all aspects of their future. The man asked the woman, "What will you do if die?"

After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age.

Then she inquired, "What will you do if I die first?"

He replied, "Probably the same thing."

Lisa was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car's engine suddenly turned off.

It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her was starting to pile up. The guy in the car directly behind her was honking his horn continuously as Lisa tried to get the car to start up again.

Finally she gets out and approaches the guy behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started," Lisa said, smiling. "Would you be so kind and try if you can get it fixed for me? I'll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."