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Favorite this joke A couple of hours into a visit with my mother she noticed I hadn’t lit up a cigarette once. “Are you trying to kick the habit?”
“No,” I replied. “I’ve got a cold and I don’t smoke when I’m not feeling well.”
“You know,” she observed, “you’d probably live longer if you were sick more often.”
It seemed that all our appliances had broken in the same week, and repairs were straining our budget. So when I picked up the kids from school and our Jeep started making rattling sounds, I decided that rather than burden my husband, I’d deal with it.
When we got home, the kids rushed right into the house with the news. "Daddy, the Jeep was breaking down, but Mom made the noise stop!"
Impressed, my husband asked, "How did you fix it?"
"I turned up the volume on the radio," I confessed.
A five-year-old boy had never spoken a word, ever. One afternoon, as he sat eating his lunch he turned to his mother and said, "Soup's cold."
She was astonished, and said, "Honey, I've waited so long to hear you speak. But all these years you never said a thing. Why haven't you spoken before?"
The boy looked at her and replied, "Up until now, everything's been okay."
Two friends were going on a road trip to Florida. A neighbor told them that they'd be fine as long as they paid close attention to the road signs along the way.
They'd driven 30 miles when they saw one that read, "Clean Restrooms Ahead".
Two months later they arrived in Florida exhausted, having used up 86 bottles of Windex, 267 rolls of paper towels, and three cases of toilet-bowl cleaner. Total restrooms cleaned: 450.
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