I am not short...
I'm just more down to earth than other people.
A six-year-old boy called his mother from his friend Charlie's house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room.
"But, Mom," he said, brightening, "you don't have to worry about buying another one. Charlie's mother said it was irreplaceable."
A manufacturer of electric light bulbs was talking to the owner of a theater. "I'd like to supply you with bulbs for your marquee," the manufacturer said, "and it won't cost you a penny. It will enable me to realize a lifelong ambition."
"If I accept the free bulbs," the curious theater manager asked, "will you tell me about this ambition of yours?"
"Certainly," the man said. "It's just that I've always dreamed of seeing my lights up in names!"
I have decided to RETIRE and live off my savings...
Though I'm not sure what I will use the second week...